Sometimes with my prayer journal I just pick a verse and doodle. And as I color and draw in the verse I really meditate on its meaning or what it means to me in that moment. That has been one of the most wonderful parts of having a prayer journal for me, just simply being able to focus on what I'm going through at different points in my life. It's less confining than a traditional devotional. And personally I find it more rewarding.
Recently I've been struggling with so many things in life. From the loss of a loved one to job changes and car frustrations it's been a totally shitty year. In this difficult season I've found myself questioning my faith over and over again. Which is frankly just plain uncomfortable. This week I was not feeling like doing my journal at all. For inspiration I opened up my pinterest Jesus board and just picked one that spoke to me. After reading the verse and doodling I went into my bible app and read the chapter. And afterwards I felt as though it was the perfect chapter for me to read. For weeks I had been questioning why for so many different things. This verse reminds me that I just don't need to know the whys of everything at the exact moment that I want to know them. That's the purpose of faith and trusting in God. And instead of letting go of control and trusting in my faith I was holding hard onto the control I thought I had. I don't know why I have such a need to control my life and environment. Unfortunately that need is my biggest challenge in my walk with Jesus. This week was such a good reminder in the power of prayer and the importance of spending a little bit of time everyday digging into my bible and getting closer to God. After praying about my seriously wounded heart I feel slightly better. I'm not going to lie and say I prayed and now everything is perfect. Prayer doesn't do that. But I do feel more at peace with the loss of my dear Papa and more grounded in terms of all the other craziness going on in my life right now. Hopefully I wont need a reminder again anytime soon.
Jesus replied, "you don't understand what I'm doing now, but someday you will." -John 13:7
xo Sam
